i don't understand why i don't understand people
or is it that they just don't understand me?
i feel insecure about myself as it is
i don't speak very much because i know i can be socially awkward
i'm honest, or at least i try really hard to be
i have a lot of things that run in my head
but i know/try not to say them because i don't want to hurt people's feelings
not that i'm doing it intentionally
it's just what i observe and read others
it's hard not to respond honestly when a friend wants to know what you think

i don't understand friendships
but i still have hope that i someday will
there are few that give me hope
i'm sensitive about friendships
because it's hard to really believe in them
and at times
when i do
i learn to find out they were never real
i get hurt

yes
i have my partner
my love
but even he can't fill this emptiness

Estoy Aqui

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he says...

he says to be strong
but how can i when he is dying
how can i be strong when i'm slowly losing someone i love
how can i be strong when i'm losing my own life
it's hard to be strong when there are so many things going on at once
when i haven't even recovered from things that have occurred in the past
when you're affecting my life and my future
i try to be strong
but it is so hard when it's hard to be happy
it's easy to disguise but it will always be underneath it all

when i'm alone i think about it
when i'm along i worry
when i'm alone i cry
when i'm alone it hurts

i wish it were easier to talk about it with others
i wish it was easier to cry about it in front of others
because it's moments like this when i feel alone
when i know i'm not

the sister

is in an unhealthy relationship
i saw her crying
i didn't know what to do
it's not that i don't care
i just don't know what to do when others are upset
i usually hug them, well i try
i'm a tense person
it's just how i am...awkward

i wish i could have done something
i will help her
she's my sister
i worry about her
i love her

insomnia

that's what he says is killing him...

it's been a while..

my thoughts have been kept up in my mind for the past couple of months
i have been unable to write
there are many reasons as to why this has happened
but the time is near
the quarter is about to end
oh s u m m e r ...
i can smell you, taste you, feel you around me
my skin is taking you in, anticipating the s u n r a y s that carry happyness
r a y s that will rejuvenate who i am
making me smile
yet creating a frown
it has been a difficult quarter...year...
so much has happened
and have learned so much more

there are also many things that lie ahead
so much excitement and fear
b r e a t h e

someone told me i was peculiar today
it made me happy, even though i don't know how i am
she said i was rare...

pe·cu·liar

   [pi-kyool-yer]  Show IPA
-adjective
1. strange; queer; odd
2. uncommon; unusual
3. distinctive in nature or character from others

blue

falling into a darkness

swirls of smoke covering the air

where have i gone?

where am i now?

i close my eyes

smoke turns to clouds

full of life

lifting me

high above

into the world in which i belong

sadly it was all a dream